Cultural Exchange

If only I had known the etiquette as prescribed by Dr Voyageur to 'get along' with Americans before we came here, and the advice of the expat exchange about how Americans form friendships, life thus far would have been much easier. There was something similar that I found on an official government site but these are priceless.

For those of you who cannot be bothered to read it all, these are my personal highlights (sorry, there are so many):

Instead of snapping, "Give me the key to room 208," smile and say, "Hello, I am Pierre Dejarnac. May I have the key to room 208, please?" [Note the name used - is this a dig at the French?]

Most Americans and many Canadians, especially younger and middle age Americans and Canadians who have not lived in an age without effective deodorants, are repelled—very repelled—by body odour, especially outside of exercise situations.

Americans and Canadians, as do many people, dislike being coughed on. You are expected to turn your head and cover your mouth with a handkerchief or at least with a hand when you must cough. Not to do so is a great rudeness. Not to do so spreads disease.

Burping and farting are repressed in North America, even though attempts to control these may be somewhat unhealthy. When you fart or burp, neither you nor the people in the area acknowledge what has happened. No one apologizes or comments, unless children (some of rather advanced age) are joking among themselves.

This one I have already failed at quite badly:

Some new to.. the U.S. see the great informality, but fail to see that there are differing standards of leisure clothing. What you wear in the garden differs from what you wear to go grocery shopping...Styles, by the way, do not mix well. For example, when wearing jeans, men should not wear the type of formal shoes that they normally wear with suits. In most cases, just being observant will lead you to the right choices.

And then, the whole tone changes to something altogether more sinister:

The United States is an assimilation machine.

Deep in their hearts, Americans feel that behavioral conformity leads to national unity in this land of immigration.

In school and on the playground, children are pushed to conform.

It's OK, we're back:

People.. feel uncomfortable when persons stand too close to them. If your spittle strews on them during conversations, you are standing too near..

Men do not embrace, unless they are very good friends, family members, or members of various ethnic groups

When they cross their legs, many American men will rest one ankle on the knee cap of their other leg. This is fine. Phew! Women from other countries do not need instruction in how to sit in North America. ha ha - one in the eye there, men.

Your consumption of food should not be noisy. Some international visitors and students really need to practise this in order to not attract negative attention. Now, who would that be then?

The weirdest advice of all, particularly for a Facebook generation:

Americans use the word friend to mean anyone I have spoken to a few times. Americans do not have a good word for someone who is closer than an acquaintance but not as close as a friend. You know the person you play tennis with every week, who knows all your children's names, and who told you the best place to buy shoes, but who does not discuss personal things with you and who would not tell you if you were doing something foolish. In the United States, we call that person a friend. To refer to someone who is very close, we have to add another word - a good friend, a close friend, a best friend, my oldest friend.

That concludes my cultural exchange lesson for today.