Grub, Nourishment, Diet, Nutrition, Nosh, Sustenance, Chow

I have begun to notice more and more that my life revolves around food. Having my 'life' here in one place, it is becoming frankly un-ignorable. Maybe a change in career is needed, or even, and this would be novel, a career.

I am missing my copy of Nigel Slater's Kitchen Diaries. We even considered re-buying it so we could have one copy in each country we have ever lived, but I dismissed it as a waste of money. After all, that's more money to spend on... food.

We have a dinner guest tomorrow night, and decided it would be nice to share some of our British fare. It's been given such a bad press over the years as being stodgy and bland and maybe a small part of me wants to prove that wrong. We searched our childhood memories for ideas and came up with the following suggestions and then, shortly after, dismissals:

Fish pie, yum yum - but alas, no suitable dish in which to cook this yet.

Roast dinner - just the thought of it made us eat one yesterday, so we couldn't possibly have another for at least 3 months (there is no direct law, but the decadence of a roast dinner for 2 people must surely be only a quarterly affair at most, for all except the very die hard) plus its too much faff for a school night (and plus we have the most sensitive of smoke detectors, cunningly placed on the wall directly in front of the oven, which likes to make itself heard if you merely open the oven door. Like in Mary Poppins when Admiral Boom fires his canon, we 'man the decks', one at the oven door and one, with a tea towel poised and ready to flap. At around 7pm every night, you can hear the cooking chorus of everyone's alarm in the block singing to each other. A beautiful moment).

Fish and chips - the fish here is marvellous, but we wouldn't be able to batter and deep fry.

Full English - for dinner? That's crazy talk, although considered. It would require afternoon boozing, a quick nap and then a midnight dinner to get the full effect.

Irish Stew or Scouse - one of my favourites, but not my husbands. Peasant comfort food at its best, served with some crusty bread and possibly a nice glass of red wine, elevating you from peasant to cobbler at the very least.

Chicken Tikka Marsala - the most English of dishes, but I lack the skill or spice in my cupboard to pull this one off.

Bubble and Squeak - I'm terribly sorry, I don't understand that recipe. What is a "leftover potato"?

Cucumber sandwiches, scones and afternoon tea? Too twee.

Lancashire hotpot, faggots (there is, I predict, a distinct lack of meatballs with 'pig heart, liver and fatty belly meat or bacon minced together' in San Francisco), Welsh rarebit (too disappointing for dinner), Shepherd's pie (see Fish pie for problem), Stargazy Pie (I've always wanted to make one; but its a little ambitious, for a Tuesday*) all failed to cut the mustard.

We could think of a thousand puddings we could make, all mouthwatering and wonderful to behold, but we finally settled on a classic; bangers and mash. This requires me finding some proper bangers in the English food shop that we spied on our recent tourist adventure! There is no Plan B so I will put my utmost faith in this shop's imagined stock.

Now all we need is plenty of cups of Rosie Lee, Chas and Dave singing in the background, followed by the Archers, some Royal memorabilia on which to serve our food, a nice spot of Morris dancing to wear off some of the calories, some cider, proper cheese, a howling gale and lashing, biting rain, and there we have it, our own British evening**. See, we don't need to actually be there at all...


* Tuesday is the worst day of the week. Fact. February is the worst month of the year. If anything is going to go wrong, the likelihood of this being on a Tuesday is 76% greater than any other week day and 92% greater than any other weekend day. Stat. "Because it is Tuesday" is therefore not a whinging and convenient excuse to not try anything new, rather, it is a considered response based on 29 years of 'The Problems of Tuesdays', a joint government and privately funded research project.

** I have Stereotypes-R-Us to thank for this sentence.